


Bullet Wounds and Unconditional Love

by heyguysimbecca



Series: Fluffy/Angsty Supernatural Stand-Alones [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Relapse, Self-Harm, Triggers, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 13:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10335788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyguysimbecca/pseuds/heyguysimbecca
Summary: !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! Mentions of self harm and panic attacksDean and the reader are in an established relationship. The reader has an anxiety disorder. What will happen when Dean finds out?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This goes out to all of you who suffer with anxiety. I know what you're going through. I have an anxiety disorder. Just know you can make it through this. I believe in you and I love you.

_Come on, Y/N. Breathe. In through your nose, hold for three counts, out through your mouth. You've practiced this. Whatever you do, don't you dare..._

 

 

You couldn't do it.

 

You were trying so hard to keep it together, but Dean had been away longer than he said he would. He had told you that he would be back two days ago. You couldn't help but think the worst. He wasn't answering his phone and you hadn't gotten any calls or texts from him. 

Years ago, you had been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. You knew before you got the diagnosis, but it just seemed so real now.

On top of all that, you had developed an addiction to self harm. Six months ago, Dean found out and took your blades away. He thought that would have stopped it, but he was wrong. You began to scratch yourself with your nails. Dean never found out about that.

 

So here you were, sitting on your bed, crying, hyperventilating, and scratching yourself. Having a full-blown panic attack. Dean was everything to you. He was the only thing that grounded you. What were you supposed to do if he was gone? Check yourself into a mental hospital? Chuck knows you're too stubborn to do that. 

It felt like you were missing an obvious solution.

_Okay, okay, think about that. Think about a solution. Think about anything but Dean lying on the ground in a puddle of his own bl-_

 

_STOP._

 

You started to grasp at your thoughts. Dean. Dean wasn't responding. He'd left for a hunt a week and a half ago and he should have been home by now. Castiel wasn't any help. He didn't answer when you prayed to him. No angels did. You sent out a mass-prayer.

Yes, it was stupid, but you were desperate. 

No one responded.

So you tried Dean and Cass. Who else was there to contac-

 

Sam.

 

You fumbled reaching for your phone and vigorously unlocking it. In a rush, you selected Sam's contact. You heard it ring.

Once.

Twice.

 

"Y/N?"

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. "Sam," you said, almost breathlessly. "Is Dean okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay. We're both fine; what about you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm doing okay over here. I just-" You screamed as a tear fell into one of your scratch wounds. You dropped the phone and put a blanket over it. 

"Y/N? Y/N!" Dean's voice said.

You couldn't speak. You couldn't see. You couldn't hear.

All you could do was sit there and wait for Dean to get back, however long that was.

 

 

**~Sam's POV~**

 

He was in the passenger's seat. Dean was in the driver's seat. They were on their way home from the hunt.

His phone was ringing. Dean glanced at it. "Who is it?"

Sam looked at the screen. "It's Y/N." Dean looked worried as Sam answered the call and put it on speaker.

"Y/N?" 

He heard her let out a breath and quietly respond, "Sam. Is Dean okay?"

Dean smiled and Sam answered her. "Yeah, he's okay. We're both doing fine; what about you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm doing okay over here. I just-" They heard a scream.

Dean stopped the car. "Y/N?" He said. No response. "Y/N!"

"We're on our way," Sam answered, and then hung up.

 

Dean pushed as hard as he could on the gas pedal.

 

**~Reader POV~**

 

You were crying and clutching your scratch wound when Dean ran into your room. He saw you and sat next to you on your bed. Looking down at your scratches, Dean said, "You want to explain how this happened?" Still crying, you shook your head.

"Sweetheart, please. You need to talk about this." You grabbed Dean's shirt and started to cry into his shoulder. 

"I just...it feels like getting shot in the chest. You feel it first, and then the pain starts to spread through your chest and you're crying because of it. Then, it's almost like your body is focusing so much on trying to stop the pain in your chest that you forget to breathe and then suddenly remember so your breathing is all choppy. All the while, every breath you wonder, 'Is this the last one? Am I going to die?' and it just...it sucks. I'm so sorry for being broken."

 

**~Dean's POV~**

 

Listening to her as she just cried into his shoulder, he was so proud. She did it. She opened up to him. After all these months of trying to gently urge her to tell him what she was going through, she finally did it.

 

**~Reader POV~**

 

"Shh, I'm here. I got you. Nothing's going to hurt you as long as I'm here." Dean was stroking your head and trying to calm you down.

"Hey, I'm proud of you." You looked up at him. "Why?" 

Dean smiled and cupped your face with his hand. You leaned into his touch. "You fought through it again. And you opened up." You smiled at him.

"But, we _are_ going to have to talk about the scratching. We'll discuss that later."

Dean leans down to kiss you and you let him. He kisses you softly and tenderly, making sure you're okay. 

Eventually, you pull away and lie down to sleep. Dean gets up to leave, but you grab his wrist and look him in the eye. You don't have to say anything and he knows what you mean. You sit up so he can lie down and you fit yourself into the perfect little slot between his arm and his side with his arm protectively wrapped around you. You fall asleep like that.

You know you aren't perfect. But, you know you are something and you know you are trying.

 

And right now, nestled into Dean's side, drifting off to sleep, you let that be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm thinking about writing other reader inserts about mental health but with different character relationships. What do y'all think? Comment some characters you'd like to read below!


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